Time to Crack[closed] Nov 11, 2006 12:34:11 GMT -5
Post by kumi on Nov 11, 2006 12:34:11 GMT -5
Holding in those moments that you want to run, or hit, or shoot. Holding on to those moments you do run, or hit, or shoot. Thinking about the moments that none where accomplished, or the times that none were relevant. Trying not to is always a lot harder then people make it out to. Trying not to accomplish goals that somehow have been set for you, but you resist, and never accomplish anything. But, maybe the accomplishment is not accomplishing.
Once more the days dragged, but somehow the dragging made it feel so much better. The more she came into doing nothing, the closer she got into the mess that she held within her. The more she felt like her wants would be accomplished. Like that second side would break her and she would lose everything, from her pain, to her love. But, was any of that worth it?
Phoenix always said that Kammi was fine how she was, but he hadn't seen her fight, or lose it, or crash. How she laid in her bed, shivering with nothing more then an illusion. He would never see those if she could resist whenever she was around him. This goal that she had placed for herself so long ago was harder then it seemed.
A pistol still lay close to her at all times, like the fear of fighting would come back to her. But, it used to be nothing more then an activity, now it was fear that she would force herself into acting once more like she controled everyone. Why would these fears not vanish make her life simple? Life was never simple.
Kammi placed her hand in her right pocket, and let her left hang as she stood still on the dock. The wind blew at her hair, pulling it back, the salt in the air frizzing it. She watched the waves as the moved quickly, disrubted by the day. It was quite windy, and dark out. The green tide was rough, and the white caps on the waves coming in filled over everything.
A small boat againest a pier nearby knocked againest the wood and scrapped. The sound continued over and over again. Continuing with no look out for a stop. Kammi looked to her left to see the large navy boat that was placed beside her. No guards stood watch, she guessed for fear of a storm, she figured she'd take advantage of this.
Kammi slowly began to walk up the ramp, placing her hand on the railing of the boat once she reached the top. A drop of rain touched her nose. So the sailors were right, a storm was coming soon enough, but not now. Kammi figured it best to head on inside. She touched the handle down into the captains cabin, locked. Kammi took out her dagger and placed it on the side of the door. She played around inside, how many times ahd she done this?
Soon the lock clicked and she placed her dagger in her new side belt. Kammi opened the door and walked inside, after walking in she locked the door behind her. She jumped back when a strong burst of wind hit the door and rattled it. Kammi felt the boat move with the waves, but somewhat steady as it was tied to the dock, but who knew if that would stand?
Kammi ignored it and went to the captain's desk. She gave a grim smile and sat down in the main chair. It seemed there was no point to this, except scavenging through the cabin. She sat almost lady like for a moment, before placing her feet on the desk top. Her new black boot that reached her knee, smudging the desk top.
A large hat placed on her head almost made her look like a pirate at best. She wore a very loose shirt that came down to her tight pants and came over top of it. Kammi felt right good, she seemed to be holding nothing back today.
Kammi figured she would stay here until te strom was over, hang out, and relax. She didn't feel like paying for a room to spend the night in, when she could stay here free. It had a bed, and a table, and many things to entertain her. This was good enough. And there would be no disturbances, no one to knock on her door and offer something. No one would walk by, or open the door, it was good.
But, maybe Kammi was cracking, and maybe that just wasn't meant to happen anymore. Kammi could never be defined, this was just a day.